This Wilderness Our Home

Our Family’s Way to Buy with Heart — Not Hype

I’ve always gone a little overboard at Christmas. I love the sparkle, the wrapping paper, the magic of it all. But somewhere along the way, we realized that too much stuff left us all feeling a little flat — the kids, too. So we started following a simple rhythm: something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read, and something to do.

Inspired by the “something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read” gift-giving rhyme — a tradition shared by parents around the world for more than a decade.

It’s gotten trickier over the years. The “wants” have become more specific (and more expensive), and my kids aren’t exactly flipping through toy catalogs anymore. But this little framework keeps us grounded — and somehow, it still brings out that same sparkle in their eyes when the paper starts to tear.

And now, with a new little one in the mix, I get to start it all over again — choosing things that make his eyes light up and give him new worlds to explore. Some of the same toys his older siblings loved will make a comeback in the years to come. This year will be light, since he’ll only be six months old, but the magic of starting fresh feels special in its own way.

🎁 The Five Pillars of Our Christmas Giving

1. Something They Want

Wants change fast, especially once you hit the tween and teen years. These days, Amazon wishlists help a lot — it’s like a peek into their minds without having to guess.

My oldest might be the toughest one to shop for. All he wants are parts for his truck — a 1983 Toyota 4×4 he’s rebuilding with guidance (and a fair amount of oversight) from his dad. It’s not exactly the kind of thing you can wrap up and stick under the tree, but it’s a want that says a lot about who he’s becoming: capable, focused, and hands-on.

2. Something They Need

We started this one early, and it’s now a tradition: everyone gets the same type of “need.” One year it was socks. Another year, bed sheets. We’ve done underwear, electric toothbrushes, and this year it might be new towels — one for swim season, one for river days.

I used to think the kids would hate it, but they actually thought it was hilarious. There’s something about opening a pair of socks on Christmas morning that just breaks the ice.

It also reminds me of one of my favorite family stories. When my mom was a kid, she loved wrapping presents — beautiful creases, perfect bows, the whole thing. That year, she wrapped all the family gifts herself. Come Christmas morning, everyone realized she’d mixed up the tags: the boys got girls’ underwear, and the girls got boys’. With three brothers and two sisters in the mix, she never lived that one down.

We’ve also made it a tradition that everyone opens their “need” gift at the same time. That way, no one’s surprise gets spoiled when one person unwraps underwear and the rest of the family suddenly realizes what’s under the tree waiting for them. It’s a small thing, but it keeps the laughter flowing and the mystery alive.

3. Something to Wear

This one has shifted over the years — from matching Christmas pajamas to the things they truly live in. Around here, that means hoodies. Lots of them. But even teenagers can appreciate a good pair of slippers for cold mornings, especially when the house is chilly and the cocoa isn’t ready yet.

Sometimes “wear” isn’t about style at all — it’s about comfort. It’s something that says, I want you to feel cozy and cared for, even when I can’t wrap you in a blanket myself.

4. Something to Read

Books have always been one of my favorite ways to connect with who they are becoming. Both of my kids love fantasy — Percy Jackson, Wildelore, and anything from the Rick Riordan Presents line, especially the Tristan Strong series with its African-mythology roots. My daughter’s also deep into the Divergent series and Twilight (we’ve drawn the line at the first couple books for now).

I love watching what draws them in. It tells me what they’re curious about, who they identify with, and what kind of worlds they escape to. Reading is such a window into who they are — and who they’re growing into.

5. Something to Do

This one might be my favorite, because it’s less about things and more about time. It’s our way of gifting experience — connection wrapped in curiosity.

Sometimes it ties to what they already love — new swim gear for the season ahead, a baking tool they’ve been wanting, or a project we can plan together. Other times, it’s simply about play: a glow-in-the-dark soccer ball, a frisbee for summer evenings, or a silly family game that gets everyone laughing until their sides hurt.

As they’ve gotten older, “something to do” has also become about giving them freedom. Both kids love getting gift cards to their favorite shops — local spots and online places alike. For them, it’s a chance to pick what they want and when they want it. For me, it’s not a cop-out gift at all — it’s a way to be intentional, to set aside little pockets of joy throughout the coming year. Sometimes that’s a trip to Dutch Bros for a tea, cocoa, or shake; sometimes it’s a bookstore stop or a favorite snack spot. It’s less about the card itself and more about giving them small, thoughtful moments to look forward to.

As they grow, these “do” gifts bridge that space between independence and childhood — reminding them it’s okay to play, explore, and have fun, even when they think they’ve outgrown it.

Christmas Pickle Tradition

We also have one tradition that adds a playful bit of competition to Christmas morning — the pickle gift. Someone hides a pickle ornament in the tree, and after the regular presents are opened, everyone takes a turn searching. Whoever finds it first wins the pickle gift and gets to choose it the next year.

People often call it a German tradition, but none of our actual German friends have ever heard of it. Surveys show that over 90% of Germans aren’t familiar with it at all. (Source: Christmas Pickle – Wikipedia)

Because of that, many believe it actually began in the U.S. in the late 1800s, when American stores were importing glass ornaments from Germany — including pickle-shaped ones that didn’t sell well. So they created a charming “old German story” to help market them. (Source: Otherworldly Oracle – The Christmas Pickle Tradition)

Whether it began as folklore or clever marketing, it’s become one of our favorite parts of Christmas morning — simple, silly, and guaranteed to get everyone laughing.

Over the years, this rhythm has helped me just as much as it’s helped the kids. Having a few clear categories keeps me focused and grounded. My husband and I have been together since we were nineteen — more than twenty years now — and when it was just us, we never worried about how much we bought. We simply picked things we thought the other would love. But as our family grew, we needed something to keep Christmas from turning into a chaotic pile of good intentions. This little framework brought order, intention, and a kind of calm joy back to the season.

Family Gift Tradition

We also choose one family gift every year — something bigger that benefits all of us and creates memories. Some years it’s been practical, like a new TV so we can finally watch movies together without everyone crowding the couch squinting. Other years, it’s something we can look forward to, like planning a trip or choosing a shared experience. It’s our way of reminding ourselves that while individual gifts are fun, the real magic of the season is in what we do together.

🌿 Intentional Giving

The heart behind all of this is simple: we want to raise intentional kids, not just consumers. We all consume — that’s part of life — but we try to slow down the fast kind of consumption and focus on things that last.

The goal isn’t to buy less for the sake of less; it’s to buy better. Quality over quantity. Thought over impulse. A mix of things that meet real needs, spark curiosity, and make space for joy.

Sometimes that looks like a glow-in-the-dark soccer ball or frisbee that gets them outside together. Or a silly game that makes everyone laugh until their stomachs hurt. Those gifts don’t look fancy, but they’re the ones that remind us what fun actually feels like.

🌟 Why We Keep Doing It This Way

This rhythm keeps us from slipping too far into excess while still leaving space for joy. It reminds us that giving isn’t about quantity — it’s about seeing each other clearly. And sometimes, the smallest, silliest gifts — the ones they don’t expect — are the ones that stick the longest.

And now that we’re starting over with a baby in the house again, it feels like a second chance to savor it all — the wide-eyed wonder, the messy wrapping paper, the slow mornings.

Because someday, the toys fade, the clothes wear out, and even the truck parts rust. But the feeling of being known — that stays.

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Printable Freebie:

Download Our Family Christmas Gift Planner — organize by “Want, Need, Wear, Read, and Do” for each child (and maybe for yourself too).

✍️ Author’s Note

Writing gives me the space to slow down and speak clearly — something I don’t always manage in real time. I think fast and feel deeply, and sometimes that means I come across quieter or more reserved than I intend. Here, on the page, I get to share the things that matter with intention instead of hurry.

If you’re reading this and trying to make holidays feel meaningful without losing yourself in the rush, I see you. You’re doing better than you think — and you deserve a season that feels simple, warm, and real.